Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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