8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
