so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
