I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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