her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My balls are so social today.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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