I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
