Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
