I am midnight drunk by noon
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
