why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
