I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
