Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize