I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
