from now on my penis is your penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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