the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
