a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize