went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
