I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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