So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
