Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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