3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
