Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
