I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
