My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
