:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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