Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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