Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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