Got a toothbrush?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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