I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't deserve a penis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
