Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
