ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
