i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
