I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
