Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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