I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
