I think I am morally bankrupt
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
