ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
