Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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