college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
