Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
