I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
