when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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