apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
