I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
