i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
