I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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