he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
