I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
