Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
