Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
