I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
