remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
