It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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