youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
