i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i've created a new STD.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
