i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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