So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
