im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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