hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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